No, Thank You

My name into an adjective? No, thank you.

I deliberated for some time on whether or not to use my name on this blog. In fact, I still am. The purpose of this blog was to practice writing for writing’s sake, so of course the material here is subpar. In fact, I’ve fallen behind on the task completely this last week. I’m not sure if I want this to be associated with my name. It’s a giant leap of doubt.

I’d rather my name be just that: my name. Something to call me, to identify me. To assume responsibility of whatever meaning OTHER people attach to it, regardless of my permission, does not appeal to me.


A Convenient Expectation

How timely. I created this blog late last night on a whim, but didn’t post anything. The screen glare was destroying my vision and I gave up after my eyes stung and watered uncontrollably, tears pooling in my palms (maybe the computer turns back into a freshly diced white onion after midnight?). Tears were not shed in vain, though. When I woke up, the perfect platform from which to take the plunge was waiting in the form of today’s prompt from The Daily Post:

Tell us about one thing (or more) that you promised yourself you’d accomplish by the end of the year. How would you feel once you do? What if you don’t?

It must be a sign.

Expectation #1: Update a writing blog everyday

Or just write everyday. For ten minutes. Until 1,000 words. The key advice every writer hears and almost every writer gives. I’ve been trying to do this for years. Now it’s done and started.

I want to write something of substance, but it’s hard not to be intimidated. Feels like everyone else has a stronger voice or a better narrative. Even if that is the truth, I can’t let those anxieties keep me back.

Expectation #2: Acknowledge some posts won’t be the best-thing-ever and move on.

I also tend to agonize on the fine details, lose sight of the main idea, and end up with projects never seeing the light of day. I’ll edit and re-edit. Reread and re-edit. Well. “It’s not ready yet” is a phrase I’ll hide behind no more.

Expectation #3: “Art is never finished, only abandoned.”

If I break the chain and don’t write,
then I have nothing to show for it.
And I will feel the same as I do now,
because I haven’t done anything yet.

It’s only up from here.